(photo courtesy Leon Hammack)
In Sunday’s STP 500 Monster Energy NASCAR Cup Series race at Martinsville Speedway, everything worked – but nothing more than Brad Keselowski’s race-winning No. 2 Ford.
Yes, that’s right, a Ford won at Martinsville. The car maker found Victory Lane at the .526-mile short track for the first time since Oct. 20, 2002, when Kurt Busch won at NASCAR’s oldest and smallest premier series track in a Roush Fenway Racing Ford.
Keselowski and runner-up Kyle Busch swapped the lead during the final 64-lap green-flag run, with Busch taking the point on Lap 444 of 500, and Keselowski powering back past Busch’s No. 18 Toyota on Lap 458. From that point, Keselowski pulled away to win by 1.806 seconds, as Busch lost the long-run speed he had demonstrated for most of the afternoon.
As always there was a fair amount of crumpled sheetmetal in the garage at this .526 mile “paperclip” as the Sun set in Martinsville. Remember the old say that rings true for both Martinsville and Bristol, you are either in someone’s way, or someone is in your way!
There is just nowhere to run and nowhere to hide!
The Fraternal Order of The Go Fast
This week the award goes to the only player who picked “Blazingly Bad” Brad to win the race, Karen The Highly Opinionated Southern Belle! Added to her totals this week is a nifty 55 points! Even though “Kes” was cited for a pit road violation early in the race, he was able to battle back to end up winning the race.
The Movers and Shakers
Following The Opinionated One as the second highest points getters are Bobby Blue Crush and Leon Your Most Humble Sheriff. Both players were riding shotgun with “The Shrub”, Kyle Busch at Martinsville and pounding down handfuls of M&M’s all afternoon! Along with their sugar high, they were rewarded handsomely with 52 points!
Meanwhile, Linda The Cookie Mom was hoping that Chase Elliott could sweep the Martinsville weekend with a Cup victory. Having won the CWTS race on Saturday in a dominating fashion, Chase was unable to back that up on Sunday with another win. Nevertheless, The Cookie Mom racked up 50 solid points today.
Carole, aka Rudy had an up and down afternoon with her driver. Joey Logano. Early in the race he was down 2 laps from being involved in a couple of “dustups”. But his Team Penske guys kept him in the ballgame and helped him rally back tor another good finish giving Rudy 33 points.
Rounding out the top five scorers for the week is a very motley quartet of players that includes Carlton The Doorman, Skid-Marc, Kathy The Church Forecloser and Cole The Redneck Understudy. This foursome all scored 32 points apiece, but received their points by two different drivers. Both The Doorman and The Redneck Understudy were awarded their points from Matt Kenseth, while Skidz and The Forecloser received their points from Jimmie Johnson.
This week is one of the rare weeks where the biggest scorer was also the single biggest mover of the week! Yes sir, Karen The Extremely Opinionated One not only picked the winner, “Bad Brad”, but also rocketed up the scoring pylon eight (8) spots to 11th place, putting a large piece of real estate between her and “The Outhouse” this week!
Our resident dirt tracker, David The Mudslinging Throttle Jockey, had a weekend that he may soon forget. You see The Throttle Jockey thought that he had sure thing with Denny Hamlin. The truth of the matter is that “The Hot Shoe” only received 16 points and slithered down the totem pole six (6) positions to land in 19th place. That, my friends puts him in the hunt soon for “The Outhouse” award!!
The third largest movers were two of the three Hammack Brothers. Both Jim, aka Chiefy and Jerry The Buschwacker failed to have a decent outing at Martinsville. Chiefy and The Buschwacker both plummeted five (5) places to reside now in 6th and 10th, respectively. If you remember correctly Chiefy was our points leader last week.
Likewise, Snoopy Dawn stumbled and fell down four (4) rungs on the ladder this week sitting in a tie with Jeremy The Coach in13th place.
Round out the top five movers this week is still another strangely mismatched quartet, Bobby Blue Crush, Linda The Cookie Mom, Lonna The Quilt Angel, and Leon Your Most Humble Sheriff. All four players are clicking their heels and are happy campers because they all elevated their positions by three (3) spots.
Straight From The Crapper
This week we have two players who will be receiving and sharing “The Crappiest Pick of The Week” award. Both Jim, aka Chiefy and his sister Zee, aka Sissy could only muster one (1) microscopic point at Martinsville. We all know that if you only get a single digit score for your total for a race, you are most likely in the running for “The Crappiest Pick of The Week” award!
We have a new “Ogre of The Outhouse”, a new “Princess of The Poophouse”, a new “Occupant in The Outhouse” this week, Zee, aka Sissy! She served notice to Doug The Gandy Candy Man and flat out evicted him! However, The Candy Man is only one skinny point away from re-taking possession of The Outhouse!
Next week the haulers head out to Ft. Worth, Texas for the weekend!
TIL NEXT TIME, PULL YOUR GLOVES UP, FLIP YOUR VISOR DOWN, AND LET’S GO RACIN”!